Advertising Standards

It's no great surprise that the advertising industry is being hit hard by the economic woes of the world. Have you noticed that even TV is now having to advertise the power of advertisements? I'd guess this is one of the best barometers of both the state of the economy as well the change in the revenue models for TV. You always recall the good adverts, and if they are done well they become intimately associated with the product they are selling - for example Cadbury's Gorilla, Guinness Horses and Surfers or the Smash Martians. However, some advertising is just plain wrong. My current hate is the Iggy Pop, Swiftcover ad. After years of leaping around a dance floor to Iggy's Lust for Life, there is something deeply disturbing that Iggy has gone lusting after the adverting dollar. I have no problem with him needing to supplement his pension, but with a cheesy insurance ad? I develop tourette's every time I see the ad.

Equally, the emergence this week of a 34 page brochure advertising the *cough* icon that is Michael Owen, who 'may consider a move away from St James' Park' *really, I'd never have guessed* is just plain wrong. This glossy contains some interesting facts about Brand Owen, including 0.5 goals per game ratio, his current sponsors (Umbro, Tissot and BMW - in case you are mildly interested) and how he isn't really injury prone. Its the fact that he is being hawked around (in English, Spanish and Italian) that is so unedifying. Don't get me wrong, I'd not hankering back to the days of the bags full of cash in motorway service stations in order to transfer a player from club to club, this just feels so extreme, so impersonal, so desperate.

What is does demonstrate is that the corportisation and internationalisation of football is complete. EMO, will load up his metaphorical saddlebags of Newcastle United's cash and hightail it out of town. Like the mercenary that he is, he'll tip up somewhere new, do a job for a couple of years and quickly erase the memories of his time in the black and white shirt. When he arrived at the Toon he was damaged goods, and he'll leave us the same... only several million pounds richer. Brings a new definition to 'living on past glories'. Cheerio, Michael, shut the door on your way out - you won't be missed.

With regards to the rest of the squad, no doubt the exodus will start next week - rumours are legion, but I'm not paying too much attention. Far more pressing matters of managers/owners are taxing my thoughts...and depressing me. Unfortunately, I can see a fire sale of the talent (such as it is) from the squad, and administration is looming. A ten point deduction before we even start in the Championship - what joy.

On a lighter note - I've mentioned in the past that I live fairly near Old Trafford. This week coming back from work a Audi R8 appeared in my rear view mirror... Immediate thought was "*tut* footballer" I wasn't wrong, as he pulled next to me at the lights, I saw that the driver was Fellaini - him of the big hair fame.

You heard it here first.

Expensive

In light of all those terribly honest British MPs starting to admit that the sight of them with their snouts in a trough is slightly unedifying, and as a consequence humbly handing back sackfuls of misappropriated expenses (or something like that anyway), I wonder if some of those clowns in black and white shirts would consider doing the same?

Little Mickey O (he used to play for England, you know) owes us for at least a years salary, as do Xisco, Geremi and Alan Smith... As for Barton, he owes us the last three years salary and all his future earnings, wherever he chooses to 'earn' a living. The one that I would have added to this list would have been Viduka, but the performance on Monday may have partially atoned for some of the sackfuls of cash he's had from Newcastle United over the past couple of years.

Roll on Saturday - when the overpaid, underachievers will be playing a team of (comparatively) underpaid, overachievers...

Shearer is an Outlier

I recently read a book... Cover to cover, one with no pictures in and one that barely even mentioned football (well it did, but it called it 'soccer'). The book is called Outliers and is about factors that come together to make people extra-ordinarily successful. Malcolm Gladwell gives loads of examples about the way in which things like circumstance can make people successful, culture makes people successful (there is a chapter on Korean Airlines that is both scary and brilliant) and he also talks about something called the 10,000 hour rule.

The 10,000 hour rule is about how to be successful you need to be obsessive in approach and put in loads of practice to be able to be successful. Galdwell mentions that one of the reasons that The Beatles were so successful was because of the amount of time that they spent on stage in Hamburg in the early 60's. It was due to that amount of effort put in that they perfected and honed their music and stage craft, all of which contributed to their success.

I was musing on this as the image of a football obsessed youngster is often recounted. A child with the desire to play football that is so strong that the description of them is that they "always had a ball at their feet". Its that obsession that has driven players like Beckham (who has characterised this as OCD) Messi and Rooney to get to the top of their profession. Just a shame then that some of the current NUFC squad see the ball, look slightly startled and then have to remember what they are supposed to be doing...

I suspect that the current incumbent in the dug-out at SJP was one of those obsessives. He'll have put in his 10,000 hours as a player, perfecting and honing his skill and understanding of the game. His muscle memory will have been perfected, so that most of the time he'll have been scoring goals without even thinking about what he had to do. It was this that allowed him to adapt his game as his body slowed down, and allowed him to still be productive as a player into his 30's.

However, as many have pointed out (including professional mackem - Louise Taylor) the part this is missing from Shearer's armory is his managerial experience. That may be, but he's been so steeped in the game for so long, and most importantly immersed in Newcastle United since those childhood times, that he does understand the workings of the club and the things that he needs to do.

Shearer may fail as a manager, he may not succeed in getting NUFC out of the parlous situation that the club is in. But one thing I'd guess is that Alan Shearer's 10,000 hour managerial clock is now running and he'll be driven enough to keep going until its reached the prerequisite level.

So, aside from the boost that every club gets as a new manager arrives, the arrival for the last eight games of the season will be a lifeline for little EMO... As no doubt he'll be freshly re-installed as captain and will probably start scoring again. EMO and Shearer are similar... but that's for another post... A point against Chelsea this afternoon will be a good start.

Howay the lads

Metaphorical Football

Early on a Saturday morning, I'm up and about and preparing to go to a game. Its that wonderful quietness of an unsullied day, combined with the fervent hope that Newcastle United will make my 300 mile round trip worthwhile. Calm and excitement, stillness and anticipation all combining.

As ever, I find my mind wandering and in an attempt to think happy thoughts - I cast my mind back to the 95/96 season... The season of the 'ohhhh... that was close, maybe next year' for NUFC or the Keegan 'I'd just love it' season for those non-NUFC delusionalists. In fact, its with the benefit of hindsight that 95/96 season was the high-point of the last fifty years, Newcastle United (Sky dubbed the team "The Entertainers" - imagine that being applied to the current squad!) 12 points ahead at Christmas and then managing to come second...

I recall that season so well, I'd just moved to the North-West, and living and working near so many Manure fans was a challenge to say the least. Admittedly, it was a self inflicted challenge - as I'd got my gloating in early... before their team woke up, overhauled our lead with Ferguson allowing Keegan to implode with one of his best examples of mind-games ever (Benetiz please read your history books, you ain't going to win this one). The highs and lows of that season were so intense. I recall the most amazing game that I'd ever seen at SJP, when Newcastle completely battered Manure, and thanks almost entirely to a Dane and a Frenchman, Manure won 1-0. Then we all knew that things were slipping away. That was nothing thought to the pain of a televised 2-1 defeat at Blackburn, leading with 5 mins to go, only for a Geordie lad, Graham Fenton to score two goals against us - and effectively destroy any remaining hope that Newcastle United had of winning the league.

So, now that the history lesson is over, if I fast forward to today, one of the reasons that I started thinking about 95/96 season is that the performance against Manure was a watershed for that season, the team played extraordinarily well, but ended up empty handed. Sound familar? Perhaps Newcastle didn't play extraordinarily well in 2009, but it was a huge improvement on the complete garbage that I've witnessed over the past few months. With a pessimistic head on, I wonder if this will have the same effect as 13 years ago? If Newcastle do end up loosing against Hull today, it will have a disastrous effect on our season, just in the same way that Blackburn did...

Its also interesting to see what the ultimate effect of coming second had on the team - the same league position was achieved the next season, but without any of the panache or self-belief and ultimately the squad then disassembled and migrated back to the more lucrative areas of the Premiership, for those who were good enough. The what-ifs are legion, if Cantona hadn't managed to squeeze that ball into the back of the net, or if Graham bloody Fenton had said on the morning of the game that his ankle injury wasn't good enough for him even to be on the subs bench then everything could have been so different.

The last couple of weeks have been challenging ones for me in my job, I've experienced coming second as well for something that was important, and also combined with something that I expected to at least reach the semi final of.. and didn't. I've done a load of 'what-if' thinking and concluded that its important to learn, but not to obsess on the past.

It's time for me to move on - and its time for NUFC to move on... I'll be the lunatic at the KC Stadium, screeching for more effort and commitment from EMO (who appears in the press to be charging in on his white steed to rescue the whole of the season for Newcastle) and Graham Fenton will be completely forgotten.

Howay the Lads

Pot, Kettle and Fish

Ok, I'll admit it.... I'm starting to get obsessive about Owen's engineering of a move away from SJP. I understand that he's not happy with the way that the latter stages of his career is panning out. Not doubt he wants to winning medals, adding to his international caps and challenging some Portuguese bloke for the European Player of the Year. But instead he finds himself in a relegation scrapping side, with a club intent on pulling itself to bits and a manager who is admitting that he can't foresee EMO staying with us. Or at least that's what I think he means when he says:-

"I'm pretty confident about everybody else, but Michael is a different kettle of fish."

So, no co-incidence that EMO's form and fitness both pick up as the January transfer window approaches as his (alleged) £140k per week contract starts to wind down and he puts a huge sign on the back of his shirt saying "open to offers" and starts to hope that a more attractive club begins to show an interest. Earlier this year Man City were supposed to be interested in him... I said at the time that they could have him... I bet he'd give eye teeth to be going there now...

Part of me would happily see him walk away. He's got talent, but doesn't appear to have the application. It's frustrating, but as a player he just isn't motivated at Newcastle. He doesn't care about the club (and I understand that as well, why should he have an emotional attachment to his employer?) and I suspect that the money isn't really that important to him either - after all how much of Cheshire can a 28 year old want to own?

But the another part of me whats to see him scoring goals in a black and white shirt for a long time to come, for N'Zogbia, Duff and Gutierrez to be supplying him with crosses for elegantly taken goals and for him find the perfect striking partner with Viduka... Oh, and also the sun will always be shining, world peace will have broken out and the mackems will re-appoint Howard Wilkinson as manager... Idle dreams, all of them... In the meantime he's talking to the media reminding anyone who will listen that he is still about and also Newcastle benefit from his goals.

I guess the real question is who will replace him? Somehow I doubt it'll be someone who sets my pulse racing.

Stickability

The expected the announcement came yesterday, which was two-fold

a) Ashely can't find a buyer for the club
b) JFK is staying on until the end of the season

My initial response to both of those was a shoulder shrug and a smug "I knew that was going to happen". With regards to a) hasn't Big Mike noticed the state of the world-wide economy? Even if someone had a few hundred million to spend, would you want to risk it on a venture like NUFC? I doubt it... Also if I were in the buying market for a football club I'd want to wait until the end of the season to see if Newcastle slip into The Championship (which the way this season is going is a real possibility). Then either pick up the club in a fire sale, or if the club is in The Premiership, have the whole of the summer to re-evaluate and re-trench, ready for the start of next season.

With regards to b) it feels like good news. Which is probably more a statement on my rapidly lowering expectations for the club. JFK has managed to manage the players. He's getting them playing as a team, in a slightly different style and he's getting results. Nothing spectacular, no Rednapp inspired conversion of the team, but never the less he's making a positive difference.

He's also taken the role as acting as official spokesman for the club with some degree of professionalism and relish. He's skilled at making the right type of comment at the right time, from a vicious verbal volley at the press, to this statement yesterday...


I am over the moon about it - Mike has asked me to stay as manager until the end of the season, and I am absolutely delighted

Its a heart-warming statement (with obligatory football cliche) and shows that he cares. I can't quite see Allardyce, Souness or even Roeder being that excited. It's easy to be cynical and say that he's pandering to what the fans want to hear, but I feel that it's a genuine statement from him; someone who wants the job, has had an opportunity thrust onto him and is grabbing it with both hands.

JFK has said that one of his first priorities will be to sort out players contracts, including EMO's, Steve Harper's and Nicky Butt's. Again, all makes good sense, but I wish that EMO would just disappear back to Cheshire and leave us be... I can't see the sense in an injury prone, disinterested, ex-international on a huge pay deal hanging around a club that is fighting to stay in the division. I've wittered on about this before and the sooner he goes the better. As for Butt, I hope he does get offered a new deal, he's getting older, slowing down but has the ability to read the game in a way that the rest of the midfield is sadly lacking.

Today - it's the Smoggies, away... So fingers crossed for JFK to lead us to our first away win of the season.

Howay the lads.

EMO

Well, an early season international break, which as ever spells disaster for NUFC... Players coming back from it injured and unable to play. As usual EMO is one of those... Apparently its a groin strain and he'll be out for about 10 days... Ho hummm.... EXCEPT EMO doesn't play for England anymore (I'm going to have to think of a new insulting nickname for him soon).. so out of apparent spite he's decided to get injured anyway.

I'm sure Captain Michael must have really regretted a) moving to Newcastle b) not moving away from Newcastle in the summer c) not playing in a team good enough to make him the chances that would get him back playing with the 3 lions. Although, no doubt the (alleged) £110k a week softens the blow. Wouldn't it be nice if he showed a little commitment and decided to put in some effort for his wages... He was a class player, he is a world class finisher - but unlike other great centre-forwards he hasn't been able to adapt his game as he's got older and has become increasingly ineffective. Somehow I can't see him playing into his late 30's as someone like Sheringham did - he hasn't got the nous, or more importantly, the motivation.

So, the game against Citeh on Monday night fills me with the dread. Talk about David v Goliath?? The billion pound Brazilians against the might of Shola Ameobi and Xisco... I'll be the one watching from behind the sofa, just like when I was five and the Daleks scared me on Dr Who

Jimmy Jimmy

As The Undertones once said :-

Little mummy's boy
He wasn't very old
Though he was very small
He did what he was told

Jimmy Jimmy
Jimmy Jimmy - Oooh
Jimmy Jimmy
Poor little Jimmy wouldn't let go

Unfortunately, Newcastle United have finally let poor Jimmy go, to Aston Villa, yesterday for £12m. Milner spent four years at SJP, with one season on loan at Villa, Newcastle paid £5m for him in the Leeds United fire sale and no doubt the amount of profit was significant in the sale. However, during those four years Milner has also become one of the most capped England U21 players, has grown in confidence and stature and has the ability to change a game with a shimmy and a dip of his shoulder.

Their can be no doubt that he has been treated badly by the club, loaned out to Villa, almost sold to them on the last day of the transfer window two years ago, played out of position by Allardyce and then apparently not getting the same type of pay deal of his peers. What has always been so impressive about Milner is that he hasn't played all this out in public, he hasn't let it affect what he does on the pitch and he has always 'done the right thing' - even down to submitting a transfer request last week - a move that will have cost him a few quid in loyalty bonuses. As the ever eloquent NUFC.com have said

In our eyes Milner's genuine graft and honesty provided an antidote to the feeling that we've signed mercenaries, thugs and conmen in recent years.

Its fitting that his final game for the Toon came in the Midlands, along with his final goal... In a game that will have left him cup-tied for his new employers. Shows that the boy has turned into a man and, for me, his presence will be sadly missed in the Black and White shirt.

The sale also brings in a horrible deja vu - there are 3 days left of the transfer window and Newcastle are selling one of their best players. Why, why, why?? In the mid-week game Newcastle squeaked past Coventry without playing any strikers (actually squeaked is a bit harsh... it was one of the most one sided games that I've ever seen go into extra time) until EMO came off the bench to get us through to the next round of the fizzy pop cup. So where is the logic of selling one of the more attacking players in an already depleted squad? Beats me, but it most certainly smacks of the type of short termism that we used to see so often under the previous ownership.

The fans have been promised a 'wow' signing... Keegan is still alluding to this

"It might not look like a positive move to fans at the moment but what will happen in the next two to three days will be positive."

I'm not so convinced - although during a bout of insomnia last night I was listening to Radio five's "Up all night" Some guy rang in and was convinced that Newcastle had let James Milner go, because we were on the point of signing.... David Beckham....

Laugh? I almost spilt my ovaltine...

Posh, shopping on Gosforth High St (don't think she'd fancy Sheilds Rd) - now their is an image to conjour with...

A slice of life

I went shopping today.... in deepest darkest Salford. In the typical August pouring rain I trudged from shop to shop getting provisions (Bear with me this does have a point - and I'll eventually get to it) I ended up at the local butchers - one of those traditional butchers shops with the striped awning outside and the butchers wear starched white coats, and they sell all types of indescribable offal.

Needless to say the usual banter ensued, after they had called me a vegetarian (only in a butchers could that be an insult, because I shuddered at being offered black pudding); they then started in on another of my weak spots... Newcastle United... As ever there was the bitterness that Shearer didn't sign for Manure - which manifests itself as "How many medals did he win with your lot then?" and then some typical gloating - "So how many times has your lot won the double then?" And then the killer question - "So how are Newcastle going to do this season then?" Oddly enough without a second thought, my witless retort was "Relegated: Championship here we come"

It could be gallows humor, it could be false bravado - but actually it just feels like realism. Newcastle flirted with the lower reaches of the table last season and I really don't see what has altered to make it different for the coming season. Allardyce has been run out of Toon, Emre has moved back to Turkey - but other than that little else has altered. We still are paying the injury prone EMO a small fortune every week, Viduka is still on the books and unlikely to play more than 10 games all season, Damien Duff hasn't joined the Irish invasion of sunderland and worst of all, they've let Joey 'bloody' Barton out of prison.

Still only a week to wait until it all starts again. Can't wait...

By the way - I'm I the only one to notice the resemblance between our proposed new central defender; Fabricio Coloccini, and Michael Bolton??

That's all folks

Everton 3 Toon 1

Goodison Park, scene of a tropical rainstorm and another lesson for Newcastle United from a team that simply wanted it more. Everton were better in every department (with the possible exception of the goalkeeper) faster, fitter, stronger and had more desire. They had to win, and Newcastle had nothing extra to play for.

It was all vaguely depressing, hope flickered for a while when EMO scored a penalty (as an aside why does he take penalties, he might have scored both this one and the one against the mackems, but they were both really poor penalties) but as the thunder crackled above Everton shifted up a gear and scored two more goals.

Suspect this game may have seen the last of N'Zogbia, Ramage (who's gone to QPR today) Duff, Smith (hopefully) and although he didn't play today; Emre as well. Personally I wouldn't be heartbroken if I never saw the majority of those players in a black and white shirt again.

Still, 2007 -2008 season is now consigned to the history books, and on the face of it 12th in the table isn't too bad. Who says statistics don't lie?

Contentment

Toon 2 mackems 0

Ohhhh - that was sooooo good. The complete contentment that I felt on Sunday after the game more than made up for the anxiety that I felt on the preceding three days. The match was killed off after the first goal - EMO sneaking around the back of that mackem lump and smacking a header into the corner... So they managed to last out for a whole 3 1/2 minutes until succumbing - then it really was over. They huffed and puffed for a bit, but never really looked like scoring.

In fact the tone for the day was set after those four minutes, and the over-riding theme was... hilarity. I know that Sunderland are made up entirely of Manure Irish-U21 rejects... but where did they get Paul McShane from? To call him a professional footballer is a gross exaggeration, to call him a footballer is stretching the truth. He was the worst player that I've seen this season (and that includes both Barton and Jose Enrique at their awfulest... )

He had the tactical awareness of a tortoise, the speed of a overweight jelly fish (on land) and the attacking prowess of a stuffed goat. He missed tackle after tackle, was caught out of position numerous times and even managed to put through his own net. I think the referee only disallowed it out of pity... You know the way that you do with small children when they've made a simple mistake - for the umpteenth time.

The second goal had a comedy moment about it as well - the wonderfully named Danny Higginbottam (wonder which team he started out at? Yup, another Manure reject) fell at EMO's feet and the ball hit his hand. Quite funny in itself. But then Little Mickey scuffs the penalty, it squeaks under Gordon (hang-on, must be a mistake here; I can't track down any mention of Manure in his CV) and still ends up in the back of the net. Queue half time whistle, and general hilarity from all watching with me.

The second half was a non-event. mackems were poor and so where we... But it didn't matter - the points where safe, relegation is now mathematically impossible and the only decent ex-manure player on the pitch was in a black & white shirt. Nicky Butt take a bow, you ran most of the game and all of the midfield.

Ahhhhhh - it was a good day.

Sunny Days

Portsmouth 0 Toon 0

This was one of those mildly disappointing games. Toon played wellish, had a level of confidence that a month ago was starkly lacking, the midfield was creative and largely dominant. But no real end threat - apart from EMO managing to find David James' barnet instead of the back of the net, it was fairly sterile. I was impressed with Geremi and Butt, who for different reasons contributed a tremendous amount to the team effort. Geremi looked an attacking threat whenever he picked up the ball (except for the 30 odd corners that he took, all of which managed not to get past the first man) and showed some of the finesse that he'd showed in the past in a Chelsea shirt. Butt, who harried, pestered and bossed the midfield showing what an asset he is in a black and white shirt, on his day.

Perhaps Keegan may consider this a couple of points dropped, but I doubt it. Portsmouth have had a decent season and are a difficult team to beat at Fratton Park. In November they absolutely hammered us at SJP, there was no sign of those dark days being repeated again today. A composed defence made so much difference, as did the desire to keep that unbeaten record going. A more than useful point gained.

Comedy moment of the day? It had to be the low sunlight that proved a problem for both keepers. Stevie Harper coped well, but the image of David James squeezing his afro under a baseball cap will raise a smirk with me for a while.

Finally, thanks to Man City - stealing a couple of extra points from the mackems has also made my weekend...

Can we play you every week?

Spurs 1 Toon 4

Oh, such giddiness - two wins in a row, a win in London, four different goal scorers, and back above the mackems in the league table.

I've had to put up with Five Live Sports Extra coverage (to be fair, I can see why they've selected the Merseyside derby as their main game). The coverage was typically patronising - full of "well, we knew that Keegan would get it right in the end", "all fears of relegation are now banished", "the team is starting to have belief" etc, etc... But all this pales into nothingness compaired to the match preview in The Observer this morning, from Dave Mason :-

Don't we have sweet days at the Lane now? And after Keegan's remarks about Southerners*, it would be even sweeter to wipe the floor with the Geordie nation today. Given the relative trophy count sounds more like subordi-nation to me. But we mustn't be so charitable to our beer-bellied friends - the six points we gave them last season kept them up and we've already donated three this time.

Mr Mason, to coin a ancient Norwegian phrase, "your boys took a hell of a beating". Thanks for the six points again this season. And really, does the a league cup win qualify you to be quite so smug?(I'm more than aware that Newcastle haven't won anything on living memory, but the league cup isn't really that great is it - even Middlesbrough have won that.) What happened to all the talk about Spurs finishing up in the top 4? So, thanks for the charitable six points this season... And its not that improbable that we will finish above the Man City of the South...

Anyway - roll on Match of the Day tonight... According to the radio, EMO was outstanding - I'll reserve judgment until I've seen it with my own eyes. Happy days. And long may they continue.

*Keegan's comments about Southerners - "people up here look forward to their football as much as people down south look forward to the theatre." Which, to be honest I took as slightly more insulting to Northerners, and surely not the worst insult in the world... Maybe, Dave Mason also doubles up as a theatre critic??

Resurrected

Toon 2 Fulham 0

Phew... Last time we played Fulham, we scraped a flukey win which wasn't really deserved. Ir wasn't the same this time, this was a deserved win and it could have been much more than the two goals that ended up separating the teams.

Thanks to Sky I watched the whole of the game, and I think that I might be in a state of shock... Barton actually can play football. Having hitherto shown nothing to justify his selection, he played well and him and Butt looked like a good midfield team. Geremi still struggles with the corners though, but hey, you can't have everything.

What was gratifying to see was the goals. Firstly, Viduka had a typical game, does virtually nowt, except win a few headers and score a cracking goal. The way he plays must annoy the hell out of most of the rest of the team... but he got the important early goal that made so much difference yesterday. It settled down the team and, as importantly, the crowd. Apart from a short spell in the early 2nd half, it looked as though there would only be one winner after Big Mark's goal. That said, I'm still struggling to see why Martin's was taken off with 15 mins to go rather than the rotund Aussie.

Secondly, EMO - he played like a captain yesterday. Rather than just standing around waiting for the ball to come to him, he went and got the ball and kept going throughout all the game. He had a couple of horrible misses, but kept on trying and got his goal at the end of the game. Best game I've seen him play for us, since the hat-trick at West Brom.

So, the upshot of yesterdays game? Well, not a whole lot really- 3 points nearer safety, (but still plenty to do) team spirit shown, (maybe a bit of belief will start run through the team now) a clean sheet, (hallelujah) and Keegan's first win (admittedly against an awful Fulham team). That said, he's not the Messiah, but this might just be the start of the resurrection of the team (well, it is Easter Sunday, so maybe you'll forgive me the biblical pun).

Oh - and I learned something yesterday - dreams are just part of your subconscious mind... Don't put money on a dream, it won't happen.

But, I wonder what the odds are of EMO getting injured playing for his favorite team against France on Wednesday? Pretty high I'd guess.

No substitute

Birmingham City 1 Toon 1

'Suppose it could have been worse. A point at St Andrews, it all felt a bit like a draw in a cup game. Sort of vaguely satisfying, but not quite enough somehow.

The positives of last night were,

• starting with 3 up front with Oba amongst them - for me the main difference between tonights game and the abject surrender at Liverpool
  
• a very good performance from Butt, who seemed show a passion for the game that so many of his colleagues lacked
• EMO scored a goal (which maybe will be priceless at the end of the season)
• We came back from a goal down for the first time since the ball had laces in it
• We could have won it and the overall performance was so much better than against Liverpool
  

The negatives of last night were

• Joey Bloody Barton - As BAWARAL said " Just do everyone a favour, Joey, and plead guilty" He was awful all night.
• Geremi's corners were, by and large, complete rubbish
  
• Faye - for a man with physique of a heavyweight boxer in his prime, he was humiliated by the lightweight that was James McFadden for their goal - and left on the turf on his arse
• No wingers, until Charlie Zog came on
• Mark Viduka looked knackered after 15mins, but played the full 90.

However, the most baffling thing of the night was the decision to substitute Obafemi Martins with about 20 mins to go. He made Owen's goal, he was a threat throughout the whole of the 2nd half, and most of all his pace troubled the Birmingham defence - which is more than Owen or Viduka did. I was one of the ones that booed when I saw the No 9 go up on the subs board. I've expressed my thoughts on this before, but Keegan cannot make a sensible substitution to save his life - he didn't do it the first time here, nor for England, nor for City... Last night it was just baffling. Why put on Charlie Zog when Martin's was doing so well... I was baffled and so were those around me.

Still, a point has moved us up a place in the table, it could have been worse... It makes Saturday's game another really important one and we must get 3 points from Fulham.

Funniest things from last night :-

• the slowest pitch invasion in the world, and all the guy succeeded in doing was getting 3000 Geordies to laugh and wave at him
• Liam Ridgewell catching the ball because he thought the offside flag had been raised.. The look on his face as the free kick was given was priceless
  
• the unmarked police car that swept into the away end with three coppers in uniform looking all important. One of them got out, put on his helmet and went to the boot of the car... Opened it and got out an empty tea urn.., Two thoughts, (a) was this a sanctioned use of tax-payers money? (b) why did he feel the need to put is helmet on, afraid that the Northern ruffians might try to beat him up for us urn???

So, until Saturday comes... As a fanzine once named itself.

We pay your benefits

Liverpool 3 Toon 0

Well, I thought it would be grim and it was. We'd traveled more in hope than in anticipation and the result was much as we have feared it would be. You know that it isn't a good sign when the first question that your traveling companions ask on arrival into the ground was "Has Torres been rested?". Shows the limit of our expectations.

Most of the first half we struggled to contain a Liverpool team that weren't really that interested. The defence was doing a pretty good job, Taylor and Faye seemed to be coping with Torres and Gerrard and even Reina had to make a save - from a set piece, naturally. Then just at the end of the first half came a season-defining moment. One of those small passages of play that sums up the 2007-8 season for Newcastle United.

I'm sure you'll have seen it, ball played into the box, Enrique seems to have it covered, attempts to clear it, succeeds in hitting Pennant with it (who was trying to get out of the way) and it looped up off him, over Stevie Harper and went into the back of the net. Summed up our season. Why? Well, not that it was bad luck (which it was) but more it was an encapsulation of the state that the club is in.

Enrique cost the club £6.3m in the summer, since then he's never looked a good player - short of pace and lacks any positional sense. Since he's arrived he's always looked out of his depth. I've whittered on before about the need for a left back and nothing has been done. An Allardyce signing who has failed. My point is that the Pennant goal was as a result of a substandard player reflecting the substandard management of the club. The ramifications continue, because one goal goes in, confidence drains away and Newcastle lose. Only Stevie Harper can pick up his wages guilt free this week - without his contribution it would have easily been 6.

As for EMO? Me and many around me felt that he never tries against Liverpool and its in the red shirt where his allegiances really lie. Yesterday did nothing to disprove that - at least Martins looked interested when he came on, way more that Michael did.

Finally, the banter yesterday was great, gallows humour at its best - "Fifty years and we've won **** all" in response to the Liverpool "we've won it 5 times" song. And credit to the one guy half way down the main stand who stood on his chair in response to "stand up if you've got a job". That was swiftly followed by 5,000 Newcastle fans bellowing "We pay your benefits"... I wonder if any of the players in black and white shirts stopped to reflect on the irony of that.

So, we traveled more in hope than in anticipation - it was telling that in the pub later we started to console ourselves with thoughts of trips next season to Sheffield, Burnley, Blackpool and Barnsley.

It's my duty

The text came yesterday... bad news.... I've got a ticket for Anfield on Saturday. It's going to be grim. I'll need to have the pubs and psychiatric hospitals on high alert. I'll be the one purple with rage, screaming at the useless wasters on the pitch and wishing that I'd saved myself the petrol for the journey. [Oh, and standing next to me will be a slightly more demure soul, harping on about the "so called City of Culture", swearing in Northern Irish and bragging about using an Apple Mac - but I digress.].

It'll be another ugly game - in which no doubt the players will have a decent start and then remember they are playing a better team and capitulate in the same way that we have done against Villa and Manure. No Given or Emre; but equally no Barton or Carr - so its not all bad news. Of course EMO will be returning to his former employers. I wonder
a) what sort of reception he'll get from the home fans... he was booed last time he appeared in a black and white shirt at Anfield
b) how interested he will be...no point to prove
Well, I'll be there to witness it anyway. I just hope that Oba starts.

Of course all of the above is reverse psychology... I think that we are going to win (despite the fact that Torres has hit a hat trick tonight ) but every time I say this to anyone I get stared/laughed at. We'll see...

Genius - Not

I see that EMO* has been doing his captains PR stint prior to Saturdays game. Stating that we are short on confidence, but he's sure that Newcastle will get themselves out of trouble. He then has gone on to say that the game on Saturday is winnable, but that the one against Liverpool isn't. OK, I'm paraphrasing slightly, this is what he's reported as saying

This game against Blackburn on Saturday is one you look at and think Newcastle at home should be getting something out of it.

"If we can do that we can get a bit of confidence. We then play Liverpool and after that we have got a few games that are winnable.

Now, it could be argued that he's being realistic, but I'm not sure that I want a realistic captain. I want someone who will cajole, rabble-rouse and inspire the best in any team he plays for. I want someone who believes that his team can win every game and will drive his team forward to do that.

I can't see Owen doing this, he has that wonderful strikers selfishness that means that all that is important to him is scoring goals. He's not a team player, and its not his job to be that. I can't see him inspiring Charlie Zog to put in a better cross or for Steven Carr to become a defender again. And as for the comment above, I still think his allegiance lies with his previous employers rather than his current ones... And given half a chance he'll be off in the summer. Not what is needed of a captain in a relegation scrap is it?

The other news this week is that Oba Martins is going to sign a new contract. Good. I just hope he celebrates with a hat-rick against Blackburn tomorrow.... Off now for my medication...

*EMO - England's Michael Owen

Capitulation

Villa 4 Toon 1

Thank goodness for Niall and Biffa, if it hadn't been for them I'd have a totally awful day. As it was NUFC.com had struck a deal with Paddy Power with some very generous odds for Owen to be the first scorer. As a result I'm £120 better off than I was at the start of the day.

It all started so well - in many ways. A trouble free M6, a bright sunny day, and even an early goal. I made the mistake of saying at half time that this was the best that I'd seen us play for some time and that we were making Villa look ordinary. I should have known. The second half had the worst type of groundhog day - it was Manure away again. Let in an early goal and complete panic - no concept of defensive shape, nor of any creativity. Joey Bloody Barton hasn't the ability to pass a ball to one of his own teammates. Alan Smith isn't ever, ever going to score in a black and white shirt - he just runs around like a headless chicken, snarling at people. Fortunately for my blood pressure I missed the Carr handball, but apparently, he thought he was playing a completely different sport - basketball.

Those three were the worst, but the whole lot are culpable - again. Why don't they seem to care? When the Villa fans started chanting "There's only one Kevin Keegan" in the most sarcastic way, then you know that we are in trouble. Whisper it quietly, relegation might be looming, its certainly not far away.

As you can see, I took my camera along, and bumped into the person 2nd from the left on the way into the ground. Mike, was this what you expected to buy into? I suspect not.

Oh, and to the throwback racist near me - crawl back under your unenlightened stone, Enoch Powell is long gone and this is 2008. Grow up and shut up.

One final thing - can anyone explain to me why a Norwegian felt that Birmingham was so cold today that he wore gloves throughout the first half? John Carew, you are a joke. Mind you, I wish he'd bloody kept them on, when he forgot them for the 2nd half he got a hat-trick.

Rant over - I'm off to enjoy a good bottle of wine - thanks to Mr Owen.

Likely Lads Revisited

Toon 1 Smoggies 0

Yesterday it was my brother's birthday - and over a week ago I promised to go round for a birthday lunch (I brought the cake) not realising that Sky had snaffled the kick off time and it was a 1.30 start. OK, I was now faced with a dilemma, the choices were

1. Ask him if I could come round after the game (and maybe miss lunch)
2. Turn up late/early
3. Tape the game, not hear the result and get back and watch it as live

I opted for number 3 - and it worked... Unlike Terry and Bob I didn't have to stay clear of any media outlets (in the 70's this was a newspaper seller - now it was my mobile with text messages) and I managed the slightly surreal feat of watching the game as live.

I was so tempted to start to flick the fast forward after a dull first half - tight and nervy summed up the opening 45 mins. The 'highlight was a bizarre refereeing decisions to disallow a perfectly good goal by England's Michael Owen (EMO from now on) on the grounds that Schwartzer dropped it. Then EMO got a perfectly good goal and it looked like 3 points might finally be coming our way.

But I'd forgotten that this was Middlesbrough...and they always get a draw against us, usually by cheating (Hasselbaink's punched goal??) This was no exception. Up popped Robert Huth with a goal that was so offside that it was laughable. By the way, David Wheater - he must be the love child of Phil Stamp and Ann Widdecombe... Gruesome.

I know that the 'we woz robbed' cry is heard often, but when you get phone calls from Reading fans offering you sympathy then you know you've been the victim of a refereeing robbery. I'd been temped to put myself out of my misery by fast forwarding through the last 15 mins - for the opposite reasons to the first half. But I stuck with it. And was spitting feathers by the end of the game. Oh, and Nicky Butt brought new meaning to a bad day at the office - he was awful.

Been cheering myself up tonight by watching the Africa Cup of Nations - Tunisia v Cameroon, its just gone into extra time. A guy called Njitap is having a storming game for Cameroon in midfield, has scored a tremendous free kick and has been at the heart of all the good movement. The Toon should sign him - hang on, we already have... If only he'd play like that for us.