Charity Shield

Leeds United 3 Toon 2

Oh, Leeds was grim, but in a fun type of way. It's that remembered pain, the returning toothache, the headache that you can't quite shift - all of those sum up supporting the Toon. The game was 'wrong' in so many ways... Brilliant sunshine, NUFC playing in Orange (one of the amusing chants was "are you Blackpool; in disguise?", half-hearted players. But the result was the same, the Toon coming up against a team who just wanted it more..

I'd said before the game I was looking forward to seeing Cabaye and Marveaux, needless to say only one of them made an appearance. However, Cabaye looked promising and Pardew certainly seems to like him. The highlight of the game for me, was Haris Vuckic. When he came on in the second half, he (and is orange boots) lit up the pitch - loads of busy, bluster and a good goal as well. I'm sure I'd seen him for the Toon before, but he seems to have grown about 6 inches and put on a bit more bulk. He looked desperate to impress, it will be interesting if he gets a chance early season to get on the pitch. Give me Haris over Nile Ranger any day.

Most of the game wandered by in a blur of laughter and dissapointment. Partiluarlrly amusing was the away supporters reaction to a 'robust' challenge by Leeds Ross McCormack. Given that this was a friendly and only squad numbers and not names appeared on shirts - can there be anything worse than being abused by your squad number? For a full match report, from a proper website, see here - like most of the players, I can't be bothered to go into details.

However, in the last week since that game, things have got, well, interesting at NUFC. Firstly Barton spits his dummy out (again). Starts using Twitter to have a pop at Ashely and Co. Now, as I may have mentioned, I"m not a fan of Ashley (only EMO falls lower in my personal pecking order) but to me the recent actions of Barton seem to be him maneuvering his contract discussions to some sort of resolution. It will be either a 'on your way, son' or happy smiles as he has a new contract in his mitts. Either way, he'll get what he wants - more money... I did like his tweeting of Smiths lyrics though, although the Smiths lyric that has most often rattled around my mind when reading the guff he's been spouting is "Frankly Mr Shankly"

Frankly, Mr Shankly, since you ask
you are a flatulent pain the arse
I do not mean to be so rude
but still, I must speak frankly, Mr Shankly, give us money

And then of course, we get back to the on the pitch antics. Surely not much could go wrong with a friendly with an Italian Serie A side?? Wrong - only the Toon could have a game rained off at the start of August. What next - a plague of locusts?

Still, at least football is back on the telly, and it all starts in earnest next week. I saw some of the Community Shield game - but that got me pondering, why did it change its name? Ever since I can recall, the first 'proper' match of the season is the Charity Shield. However, for some reason, this has been altered to Community Shield.. No idea why...

That said, I've been thinking about charity a lot this week - if you haven't seen it have a look at http://www.rungeordierun.com/. I've been following this blog for some time, and Mark Allison's inspirational run across the US in 100 days, to raise money for two deserving causes. As I'm typing this he's painfully close to the finish line on day 100, but its been hard work for him. He's looking to raise £50k for the charities - about the average weekly wage of a premiership player from one of the top four clubs. There is something so wrong with that. Still, Mark has been doing a sterling job and he's almost there... If you can spare a couple of quid, I can't think of many better places to put it. Go on, you know you want to.

Howay the lads

Back to the Past

Wolves 1 Toon 1

Bank holidays. Always a strange concept. An extra long weekend when the roads become clogged with stressed families determined to make for a busy patch of beach to 'enjoy' themselves on. Chuck into this mix a couple of million folk heading to sporting events that won't wait to start until you arrive and you have the recipe for disaster. With full knowledge of this we set off for Wolverhampton last weekend.

Of course one of the joys of the bank holiday traffic is that you get plenty of opportunity to people watch your fellow travellers. As I was cutting short a holiday in Scotland to go to Wolverhampton (I bet that's not a sentence that's been written very often) I had added people watching time. One of the things that made me smile was the number of Hell's Angels on Harley's that wove their way successfully through the roadwork stymied queues. I guess their must have been a Harley Davidson convention somewhere in the North, judging by the number of riders heading south. After seeing the first few throaty roars in my rear view mirror, and getting over the jealousy of them getting past me, I was struck by the average age of the riders. They all looked as though they were at an age to have been old enough to see Easy Rider when it was first released, at the cinema, without having to lie about their age... It's not a young man's game - alternative culture.

The theme for the day was set - driving into Wolverhampton we'd joked about needing to put on flares to fit in... It wasn't quite like that but the game had a definite 'old school' feel to it. Both teams had heydays in the past, both clubs struggling to re-invent themselves in the current climate and both sets of players using tactics that haven't been seen for a few years. For the Toon, the main tactic was to lump the ball to Carroll as often as possible (by the way, maybe its just me - but Carroll seems to have grown by a foot since last season) and hope that he could batter his way through the defence. However, Wolves tactics consisted wholly of giving Barton a good kicking to see if he would loose his temper. It was apparent from the kick off - and continued until the final minute. This was interesting for a couple of reasons, firstly it didn't work... but they didn't alter the tactic. Secondly, Wolves obviously thought that this was the only way to beat Newcastle. Why? Hadn't they seen how Manure had ripped into us a couple of weeks before - using pace and width? Obviously they weren't imaginative enough to take this approach. So, it felt that we were watching a game from the 80's as lumps were taken from various Toon midfielders, accompanied by the shrill sound of the refs whistle.

One of the more bewildering chants from the Wolves faithful, was "Your going down with the yam-yams" No one around me had a clue what this 'insult' could mean. However, as someone who is lucky enough to work in the West Midlands, I was able to translate that they may just be referring to their near neighbours from West Bromwich. Looking around the crowd in the Toon end also struck me as this was an 'older' crowd than normal. More beer bellies and greying temples than young knacker-jacks having their first alcopops. We speculated on why... Maybe its just that travelling to away games on a bank holiday weekend also isn't a young man's game.

Shape of things to come

Last week I went to Leeds. I was visiting with my work and as the meeting was in one of the less salubrious areas of Leeds (actually an industrial estate to the West of Leeds) I drove, rather than taking the train. The journey from the Manchester took me down the M621 - past Elland Road. On the way there I was struck that I was approaching the stadium from the 'back' and that the appearance was that of neglect and abandonment. The car parks were largely weed encrusted and the surrounding area seemed to be littered with abandoned cars. It just had a feel of being run down and uncared for. However, when I was returning from my meeting, the view was very different, the huge imposing frontage to the main stand (despite the fact it appears to be sponsored by Lurpak ) which dominates the skyline. It is a reminder to the Leeds fans of the past glories of the club - whereas the hinterland of the stadium is more in keeping of the current plight of the club.

The decline of Leeds is so marked that the phrase "doing a Leeds" has come to be shorthand for huge overspending and a rapid hurtling down the divisions. At the moment, Leeds United have their fingers crossed that they might get back into The Championship via the play-offs, but no-one will be surprised if they fail again. They have become damned in a way that neither Brian Clough or David Peace imagined.

The parallels between Leeds and Newcastle are so obvious that they don't need drawing - and the shared factor of Dennis Wise warrants no further comment. However, I wish the team bus on its way back from Liverpool had driven past Elland Road. Maybe it might have jolted the likes of EMO, Nolan, Viduka and most of all Barton into starting to play like they actually care about something more than their pay packets.

I didn't watch the Liverpool game, thanks to a ruptured cruciate ligament (how much does that sound like a footballers injury? In fact it happens to 'real' people as well - a domestic accident) I spent much of the weekend recovering from surgery. But, not only was I not surprised by the result against Liverpool, I expected it. Not watching the Toon used to make me feel that I was missing something. Now not watching them saves me 90 minutes of disappointment and keeps my blood pressure down, which was quite important this weekend.

As far Barton, I've said it before, but just get rid... It looks like he's finally burnt his remaining bridge and the club has finally grown some balls and will get rid of him, there will be something poetic if he ends up at Leeds...

One final though... If Shearer is only managing until the end of the season, then why has he been able to get rid of Barton, and why were he and Dowie at the Wigan/Bolton game? Methinks he might be in the managers office for a while yet.

Ten thousand holes

Blackburn 3 Toon 0


By god this was a grim game.

I think the most telling comment from the whole day was an overheard one.

If you can picture the scene... It's now dark, the wind is driving rain into our faces so hard that it stings, we are trudging up a hill with an incline of about 1 in 4 (in old money). We've just seen an abject display by a group of individuals in black and white shirts (note: not a team); a journeyman striker (pictured on the front of the programme) has put two goals past us and the other was from a dodgy penalty. We know we are plummeting down the table and we will be in serious trouble soon. One of our senior players (well, in age anyway) has been sent off, and then blasted the ball at the referee (he missed, of course) and then our returning 'star' and Stevie G wannabee (when not being detained at Her Majesty's pleasure) then decides to start a fight with our Spanish left-back - again they can't even muster the enthusiasm for anything more than a bit of finger wagging and a push.

So, the conversation by the two guys in the black and white shirts in front of me went something like this (I've removed the expletives for those of a gentle disposition.)

Man One - *sigh* "That was poor"
Man Two - "Aye, but the football was just a bonus part of the day. At least we've got out of the house"
Man One - "Aye, true"

I've decided that this exchange is a healthy perspective. Sanguine was an understatement. I can't take this seriously anymore (well not until the derby game anyway). Bastardising Mark Twain's quote

- Newcastle United, a good Saturday afternoon spoiled -

I've warned the Favourite Nephew that if he doesn't behave - I'll take him to some more away games.... That should keep him on the straight and narrow. So that game is behind us now. Lets just forget it ever happened.

One small prediction. If Kaka signs for Manchester City this week (I'm still cringing at the obscenity of the numbers on this transfer) his home debut is quite likely to be a midweek game against the Toon. I wonder what odds will be on Mr Barton welcoming him to the Premiership with a tackle that does him some serious damage? Written in the stars that one...

Floodlit Fun

I like Mondays...

For the past two Mondays Newcastle have been on the telly, the satellite stations have decreed that Newcastle should form part of their early evening 'entertainment' - and wonder of wonders the Toon have managed to put together back to back wins. As it stands at the moment we are luxuriating in 14th position in the league and the Mackems are in their rightful place... below us.

I've always loved evening games. Its the feeling generated by rushing away from work with a sense of excitement, walking to a ground and seeing it illuminated in the distance, wrapped up against the elements and knowing that this evening will be filled by football. Two particular evening games stick in my memory, one was Toon v Juventus in 2002. It was, I think, the first Champions League game that I'd been too, a tremendous game, with the most unlikely goalscorer - Andy Griffin. The other was even longer ago - Toon v Spurs in the FA Cup reply in Dec 1999. Memorable for the 6-1 scoreline, but also a wonderful goal by a talented young player called Dyer (I wonder whatever happened to him?) and getting numerous hugs from complete strangers filled with pre-Christmas cheer as we left the ground. Special because it was floodlit - special because the entertainment was spectacular.

As for the Villa game on Monday, well, lets say that times have changed, along with my expectations. I fully expected a loss as Villa are challenging the "big four" ( Sky) but what I hadn't factored in was how poor Villa were. Then again Newcastle/Villa games often are like this for some reason. So, it wasn't spectacular, but the three points gained (thanks entirely to Martins and Gutierrez) made the floodlit Monday night special.

That said, Joey Barton is one quarter footballer, three quarters complete idiot. Appropriately for a match near bonfire night, he allowed for his fuse to be lit, thrashed around like a demented catherine wheel and then came close to exploding over a nothing incident with Abonglahor. I hope JFK has the sense to give Barton a rocket (OK, I'm going to stop now... I sound like a cheesy tabloid journalist, an analogy isn't worth doing unless you push it far to far...). Barton's going to self-destruct again...soon. Please will someone stop him??

Tomorrow, Fulham away... on the telly...fingers crossed...again

Superhero(es)

After the holiday period that was the European Championships the merry-go-round has started up again at the SJP funfair.

First of all we have signed a player (allegedly) - a certain Jonas Gutierrez, a winger who is right -footed and an Argentinian international. Good news on the face of it (as long as Milner stays...), except that his former club (before Real Mallorca) are claiming that they have some ownership rights and want some additional compensation - so it may not be as clear cut as it first appeared. Still, on the same day sunderland gave Dwight Yorke a one year extension to his existing contract, shows the depth of ambition, eh??

Next came Barton's case for assault against Dabo. A small bit of common sense prevailed (or more likely a plea bargain), he altered his plea to Guilty and as a result got a suspended sentence. As I've said before, I've no idea what the club will do with him. He'll be out in a couple of weeks apparently, and my view is that Newcastle United should get rid of him... but we can't afford to 'waste' a £6m 'asset'. The wallet will rule the head.

Then, Steven Taylor signed a improved 3year contract. That has to be good news - he's a future England captain, not yet the finished article, but a player of real class who will become better as he matures. He reminds me of Tony Adams at the same age, a tenancy to do daft things, but will grow and improve. Just the type of player Newcastle United need to hang onto and cultivate.

Finally, more media rumblings about Mike Ashley selling up again. This time either to a US based Private Equity Company or Osama Bin Laden's family.... You couldn't make it up... If Gutierrez' nickname is Spiderman - then lets hope that Ashley's is The Joker.... Cos someone must be winding up the press

Catherdral of Comedy

Another week, another laugh at the expense of the Toon.

Firstly it was Barton and his 6 month jail sentence for being a thug. No doubt he got his just deserts. For me the only decent thing that he's done was to plead guilty. That way at least the indignity of hearing him bleat on about how hard done by he was and about how he has suffered in the public eye, has been spared. Its stopped the name of the club being even further dragged through the mire.

Part of me wonders if the guilty plea was part of a deal to keep him in his job? Undoubtedly Newcastle United have a problem with him. Do they get shot of him (to whom??) or hang onto him and try to rehabilitate. I'd guess that much will depend on what happens with the Dabo case - which is due in June. My view is that we should have never signed him, it didn't take a genius to work out that he'd bring a storm of trouble to the doors of SJP... But the club aren't going to throw away a £6m 'asset'.

Hypocritically, I don't care either way - as I've said before, I wanted him locked up anyway, not for beating bystanders up on the streets of Liverpool, but for masquerading as a Premiership footballer.

The other bit of news this week, was the boardroom reshuffle, with Chris Mort going back to Freshfields. Its worth saying that I recall That Mort was always going to be an interim appointment as Chair... however, if you read the press you'd think this was more signs of boardroom instability... sigh. As far as the public facing part of Mort's job, I think he's been excellent. Dealt with the press without shooting the club in the foot, got rid of Allardyce, steered the club back into private ownership and put in a whole new management structure. I think he's done a good job, so if ever I need my conveyancing done, I'll be sure to ring Chris...

Finally, I've mentioned here before about my dislike for John Terry, both as a footballer and as a man. I've only just managed to wipe the tears from my eyes as a result of the Champions League final... of laughter that is. Thanks for cheering up my week JT.

Tale of two trials

It was with a sense of bewilderment that I watched Johnathan Woodgate score the winner in the Carling Cup on Sunday. For a start I've often said that he's the best defender I've seen in a black and white shirt. He would have been a player to build that so-called spine of a team around (good 'keeper, good centre half, good goalscorer) but for two things.

1. In two years with us he managed to play the grand total of 28 games - spending more time in the treatment room than many of the physios do.
2. Fat Freddie saw the pound notes when Real Madrid came calling and cashed in on a £4.4 million profit on the smoggy sick-note.

Of course, fast froward four years and Woodgate has to choose between returning to the Toon or a trip to the Smoke with Spurs. How glad he must be that he's made that decision. Tough call for poor old Woody, relegation scrap or winning something at Wembley. I bet Sunday has softened the blow of having to fork out for an expensive 'penthouse' in the capital.

Of course Woodgate isn't a stranger to the court room. He was the only player to be convicted after the Leeds players trial for the attack outside the Majestyk nightclub. He got community service after being found guilty of affray. So, Woodgatge's rehabilitation appears to be almost complete - scores the winner in a cup final (albeit I reckon the goal was as much a surprise to him as it was to the Chelsea defence, talk about being in the right place at the right time!)

If only the same could be said for the Scouse crim that is currently on our books... Somehow I can't see rehabilitation beckoning for Barton - still the good news has come today that he won't be able to play against Liverpool. The terms of his bail haven't been varied enough to allow him to set foot in Merseyside. Thank gawd for that! At least this way Keegan might start with Emre or even Geremi - who have the ability to pass to one of the other players in a black and white shirt - something that completely escapes Barton.

Painful

Toon 1 Man Utd 5

Oh, this hurts so much.... Humiliation, capitulation (again) but most of all today was painful.

At this rate we are going down with the mackems - and rightly so.

Even the most optimistic of Toon fans won't have expected anything other that a defeat, but this was catastrophic even by our standards. I joked at half time that Harper was sent on because Given's back would be getting sore, picking the ball out of the net. It wasn't so much a joke as a prophecy. Manure have put eleven past us in the last month... and the one reply that we did have was iffy to say the least. The worst thing about a truly awful day? Saha scoring the fifth - a player that was jettisoned by us for not being good enough. Tragic or laughable...

As for Barton - if there was any justice in the world he would be locked up for fraud as well as the ABH. He's now masquerading as a Premiership footballer.

Tired

Toon 0 Man City 2

Ho hummmm.. another night another defeat.

I didn't see the game, have read very little of the reports from the game, and haven't seen any of the 'highlights'. Why? Because I can't bare to look. I feel like a small child hiding behind the back of the sofa because Dr Who just got too scary to watch. The Toon train is coming off the tracks... again.

The press vultures are gathering for the crash which they fully expect to happen at Stoke in the FA Cup. BUT as the excellent Biffa said

To say that there's a groundswell of opinion against Allardyce is untrue - nobody was shouting much about anything tonight, least of all for Alan Shearer.

This apparent collective will to see Sam sacked and replaced by the local hero that fills newspaper columns remains an illusion - along with us preferring to lose matches in the name of entertainment...

However it's undeniably another blow for Allardyce - much more of this and at some point the towel will be thrown in by his corner, whether his guard remains up or not.

Take your pick: Barton's incarceration, recent refereeing decisions, the Nations Cup callups, Owen's miss tonight the banana skin cup tie up next, the visit to Old Trafford after that, or the ceaseless media attention.

Says it all really.... I'm tired of the press, tired of crap football and tired of watching over-paid under-caring players who don't care for the fans or the pride that should come with the shirt [how I wish that the newly released Barton would pay some attention to what I think of him]. I have pride in the job that I get paid for, I want to do a good days work and feel that I give my best for employer and my customers.... If only the 15 or so that play for the Toon cared as much....

I'll stop ranting now... but I'm damn tired of all this.

Newcastle United - Media misery foretold

Oh god.... Its happened again. Just in the same way that the knives where out after the Liverpool match for Allardyce (see Depressed ) its all started again. Two catalysts this time - the bloody awful game at Wigan and Joey 'bloody' Barton. The press frenzy has started again, pontification by mischievous Southern hacks who seem to love nothing more that to have a pop at us Northern oiks... Its wearisome in the extreme and lazy journalism... But then again when has that ever stopped the British press??

As for Barton - I've already said that he's the new Lee Bowyer... I was wrong. At least Bowyer seemed to have a modicum of self control. Barton appears to be lacking even that. His apologists seem to suggest that he was provoked... My advice Joey - don't be so stupid to put yourself in the position to be provoked. Don't go out in Liverpool, don't go out to clubs, don't go out drinking all day, and most of all don't be so bloody stupid.

I hope that if he's found guilty that his contract is canceled and he doesn't get the opportunity to collect any more of his obscene wages. I'm fairly sure that if I couldn't work because I was banged up then I'd get sacked... It should have happened when he attacked Dabo at City.... Oh, how they must be laughing now, whilst counting the £5 million that we gave them for him.

As for football - just the small matter of Chelsea away today. They haven't lost at Stamford Bridge since Ken Bates was in charge and had black hair... So, the signs aren't good.

More fun and games at the Theatre of the Absurd; roll on 5.45...

Thieves in the night

Fulham 0 Toon 1

By the skin of our teeth the Toon have pick pocketed 3 points from the Cottagers tonight. It wasn't pretty, nor exciting, nor fluent. But, we have 2 wins in a row in the Premier League for the first time in 2007. So, its job done to an extent... Just like watching Brazil -no, just like watching Bolton, definitely.

A couple of points about the game. Barton; I feel the same about him as I did Lee Bowyer. He's an odious man, and if found guilty of the charge against Dabo he deserves to be sent down and sacked from the club. I'd be surprised if that happened - his legal team will be too good for the Salford court and even if found guilty he won't get sacked, he's way too valuable to the club for that. However, it still doesn't seem right seeing him in a Toon shirt (in the same way that it never looked right seeing Bowyer in black and white). He scored the winner today, but it masked a poor performance (again) from him and in many ways he was lucky that the penalty went in.... I'd have been far happier if Jimmy Milner had taken it... But, Barton took it, scored and nicked the 3 points from the quite frankly hapless Fulham.

Secondly, we were awful in the first half, I can't express it any better than the wonderful nufc.com "two teams threatened to outdo each other in total mediocrity at the Cottage."

Dan? He seemed to quite enjoy it - time will tell... But for a while I thought that my worst fears (see below) were going to be realised. Still, he's witnessed a Toon win and maybe has become a fan.