Catherdral of Comedy

Another week, another laugh at the expense of the Toon.

Firstly it was Barton and his 6 month jail sentence for being a thug. No doubt he got his just deserts. For me the only decent thing that he's done was to plead guilty. That way at least the indignity of hearing him bleat on about how hard done by he was and about how he has suffered in the public eye, has been spared. Its stopped the name of the club being even further dragged through the mire.

Part of me wonders if the guilty plea was part of a deal to keep him in his job? Undoubtedly Newcastle United have a problem with him. Do they get shot of him (to whom??) or hang onto him and try to rehabilitate. I'd guess that much will depend on what happens with the Dabo case - which is due in June. My view is that we should have never signed him, it didn't take a genius to work out that he'd bring a storm of trouble to the doors of SJP... But the club aren't going to throw away a £6m 'asset'.

Hypocritically, I don't care either way - as I've said before, I wanted him locked up anyway, not for beating bystanders up on the streets of Liverpool, but for masquerading as a Premiership footballer.

The other bit of news this week, was the boardroom reshuffle, with Chris Mort going back to Freshfields. Its worth saying that I recall That Mort was always going to be an interim appointment as Chair... however, if you read the press you'd think this was more signs of boardroom instability... sigh. As far as the public facing part of Mort's job, I think he's been excellent. Dealt with the press without shooting the club in the foot, got rid of Allardyce, steered the club back into private ownership and put in a whole new management structure. I think he's done a good job, so if ever I need my conveyancing done, I'll be sure to ring Chris...

Finally, I've mentioned here before about my dislike for John Terry, both as a footballer and as a man. I've only just managed to wipe the tears from my eyes as a result of the Champions League final... of laughter that is. Thanks for cheering up my week JT.

Whingers

Saw most of the Champions League semi-finals this week - I so wanted Barca to stuff Manure, but that never really looked likely and there was an air of inevitability about them making it to the final. Also, Paul Scholes goal was fantastic, he's always been the Manure player I've admired the most. As for the other one, Liverpool were awful (again) and winding up Drogba wasn't the smartest move that Benitez has ever made.

Needless to say the press have gone overboard about the first ever all English final of the Champions League - ignoring the fact that 2/3rds of the players won't be English - but, hey why let the facts get in the way of a bit of jingoism eh? As someone on RadioFiveLive the final will really show the South/South divide in English football.

The thing that has really got my goat this week has been the fans moaning about having to travel to Moscow for the final. Firstly, if Newcastle ever got to a Champions League final (stop laughing at the back! ) I'd chew off my own arm for a ticket and traveling to the nether regions of Eastern Europe wouldn't put me off. The arrogance of those Southerners suggesting that the final should be moved to Wembley beggars belief. Imagine if Milan and Juventus had insisted that the 2003 final be moved from Old Trafford?? The papers would have probably demanded that Italy be thrown out of Europe and the cup awarded to Manure....

On Monday, I'll be in the hallowed ground that is the cathedral of St James' Park for the first time in a couple of years. In the spirit of blind optimism I decided that Chelsea winning on Wednesday was good news for us - Chelsea are bound to have one eye on Moscow and therefore not want to over-exert themselves (gleefully ignoring that they are still quite likely to want to win the League). So, our usual end of season game against the billionaires playthings is bound to be a win for the gallant Northerners.... ahem....

Of course a win for the Toon on Monday will, in all likelihood give the title to Manure.... Damn....

St Jordi's Day

Apparently today is St Jordi's day... So, to all of us Geordies, happy days to us - well it was after Sunday anyway. And I suspect that St Jordi may have been smiling on the Catalans as that's about the only explanation I can give for Ronaldo's penalty miss.

It must have been a slowish news day today - as it looks as though the end of season rumours are starting early...

Rumour 1

That notable Champions League Semi final goal scorer is on his way to us - nope not Dirk Kuyt, but John Arne Riise. Fresh from putting through his own net at Anfield, he's supposed to be our next left-back. Humm, we'll see. Whilst the Toon do need a decent left back - I'm not sure that Riise fits that description...

Rumour 2

Titus has been gobbing off, according to the BBC he's said...

"Former Newcastle defender Titus Bramble has criticised Newcastle fans, blaming the Magpies faithful for the sacking of manager Sam Allardyce. "The Newcastle fans aren't as good as everybody says," said the Wigan centre-back."

Well guess what Titus? You aren't as good a defender as everybody says either... Oh, hang on, no-one has said that you are a good defender for a long time..

Perhaps the poor lad has been confused - when the Liverpool fans chanted "Titus for England" it was irony... Do you think that Titus understands the concept of irony???